i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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