My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
