omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
