Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
