What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
