You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
please come you make the beer taste better
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
