What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
