i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
