Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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