I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
