You made me cry and you don't even care
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
