I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
