this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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