I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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