the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
