I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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