you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
