We're like a lot better than the average bears
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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