I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
