it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
