why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
