A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
