You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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