tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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