I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
