They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
