just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
