At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
