Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
