he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
As shirtless as possible
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
