I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
