I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
