It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
