Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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