So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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