U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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