i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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