:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
