I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
