Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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