i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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