after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
