I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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