He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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