Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
