She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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