I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
