you told grandpa to call you daddy
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
