I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
