she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
