We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
