So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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