Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
