shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
