she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
